


Breathe / There's a light, it's on for you

by soundsaboutright



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Love, M/M, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 02:29:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17174141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundsaboutright/pseuds/soundsaboutright
Summary: After season 3a.Holding their breaths.Three thoughts on healing.





	Breathe / There's a light, it's on for you

**Author's Note:**

> For the anon that left a comment on 'When you open me all the power in me moves'. You actually made me finish this today. It might contain a tiny spark of the dynamic you were discribing, and i hope I will write more<3

Magnus’ eyes lose focus, watering over the strain of faded ink and narrow-lettered symbols. It’s gotten dark already, outside and inside the loft, sparse light coming only from the city below; reaching him along with a coldness that spreads from the ceiling-high window panes to where he’s been standing.

_He may not have magic of his own anymore. But he still has his knowledge. He can read. He can still help._

He marks the page with careful hands, then sets the leather-bound volume down onto the sideboard.

It’s been a long, long day.

He thinks how maybe he should make some tea, for when Alec arrives. But this time, somehow, his body just won’t start, like for once- like at last- run out of movement.

He just keeps watching light after light illuminate the homes all around.

It’s how Alec finds him.

Alexander, who is a welcome warm presence behind Magnus, who feels like a long way coming and then almost, almost there. The corners of Magnus’ lips lift in greeting, not facing Alec yet, but Magnus knows. Knows that Alec can tell.

A gentle hand comes to rest where Magnus' neck meets his shoulder, tips of fingers pressing down just a little. Magnus swallows, then speaks through a crooked smile:

“I am doing it again, aren’t I?”

“Yeah.”

Alec’s voice is a soft caress in itself, in that higher, breathier register for Magnus alone. His thumb draws a delicate circle between Magnus’ shoulder blades:

“You’re holding it here, ” _Your breath, the tension._ “...and here.” Alec’s arm goes around Magnus from behind, his cheek coming to rest against the side of Magnus’ face and his thumb drags a tingling line along Magnus’ chest muscle right below the collar bone.

Magnus closes his eyes, tries to will his frame to relax and leans his head back against Alec's shoulder.

Alec is not removing his embrace, just keeps his fingers moving in tiny, slow circles, stroking, smoothing out and teasing at knots in a steady, unhurried way. Magnus sinks into the comfort of Alec's body heat as much as his tired mind allows, the calm radiating of off Alec just for him; so much strength, such un-rationed care. He's flooded with it, barely holding on to himself. Alec's voice is almost inaudible against his ear:

“It's important to keep the range of motion in your shoulders.”

 _To defend yourself in a fight._ Magnus' stomach tightens, tries and lets it go with an exhale. They’ve been through this in training sessions, but this is not the voice Alec uses during sparring, instructional and brusque and filling the room. This is something else. Tinged at the edges with sadness. This is everything else.

“I know.” Magnus simply says.

“I know you do.” Alec replies and kisses his neck, lingering, just staying there.

* * *

 

“You need to breathe, love.” Magnus' voice is warm with exhilaration, breaks -almost- over just how lucky, privileged and blessed he feels.

Alec’s body arches in a taut line beneath him, lips open and trembling through aborted little intakes of breaths.

So close to relief, all stuttered, tiny circular moves, and strung tight muscles vibrating with it. Heat clings to both their skin, blurring lines and mending, and it all resonates through Magnus with the very same urgency, and yet. Yet he has come to learn, knows by now, how even more healing it can sometimes be, to release all this tension not in one huge crash but in lapping waves, in increments pushing them both to a plateau, higher up; flooded with tingling, steady, lingering bliss.

So Magnus slows. Holds his movement for a second, and Alec makes that noise that is so much need and so much trust, and Magnus is filled to the brim with love.

He reaches down, presses his fingers into Alec’s abdomen, just above his navel, getting his lover’s attention away from that spot inside, to more of his body, to _here, Alexander, you need to breathe into here._

And he feels Alec’s breath expand against his palm, deep and full and into his core. And he thrusts again, and Alec sighs, sobs.

And it’s everywhere.

 

* * *

They’ve stopped dancing a while ago. If that was what they were even doing.

By now, they’re in each other’s arms, bodies weightless and heavy and warm, close and aligned. Broad chest touched to shoulders, holding themselves up and together by the strong beating of their hearts against one another.

The others have left, family and friends, and the lights of the city reflect on a thin layer of snow outside, illuminating the night and all it falls upon with a glow so singular to the season.

Magnus has his nose and the side of his face brushing against Alec’s neck, lips nudging the collar of his shirt. Slow breaths mingle with almost kisses -mouth to skin and fine hairs and shivers- and they’re breathing each other in. Smelling like the food they cooked earlier, the scent staying in their clothes and hair, over detergent and cologne and warm skin.

The heat and wetness of Alec’s breath against Magnus’ ear raises goose bumps along his skin; settles peace all along his spine.

And he knows, he will never, never not need this.

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Rhodes – Breathe /live for Burberry 2015  
> "Are you holding your breath again?"  
> I actually misheard the lyrics in thosefollwing two lines, but just that fit perfectly for me:  
> There’s a light, it’s on for you - tell me how do you feel, tell me how do you need to heal  
> I just loved the notion of ‘a light that’s left on for you to find your way home, to your place of respite and healing'.
> 
> This has been sitting in my drafts for a while, loved the thoughts, but it just wouldn't find a form... but I want to release it out into the world now, as a kind of after christmas present. Exhale.  
> Let me know your thoughts if you want!<3


End file.
